Thursday, July 23, 2009

Alive

Danielle’s funeral is tomorrow.

When she died she was 27 years old and had been married less than 300 days.

I’m trying to remember that there is a cosmic plan. I’m trying not to be irrationally angry at every one and every thing around me. Let me tell you, it ain’t working.

This shit pisses me off. She didn’t do anything. She wasn’t a smoker or a big drinker. She worked out. She didn’t do drugs. She was kind and smart and funny. Her husband loved her and she loved him. She had a dog – but she never got to have children.

And I know that she got to have and do and know more in her life than many, many others. And I know that shitty things happen to good people every day.

But I really don’t care. I’m pissed. Because my best friend has to go to Danielle’s funeral tomorrow and I can’t be there to hold her hand. Because ANYONE has to go to Danielle’s funeral at all.

I sent flowers to her family and I donated to the Vasculitis Foundation in her name but what I really wanted to do was go stand outside and yell to the heavens. I want to throw things and stomp and wail at the base unfairness of it all.

This is bullshit. I don’t feel like being mature, or rational, or spiritual right now. It’s bullshit. I want my friend back. I want my friends not to have to feel this pain. I want to fix it. I want this to have never happened. I want Wegner’s not to exist.

I want Danielle to call Val and say it was all a horrible joke.

I wish.

4 comments:

Pamela said...

So sorry.

G said...

Thank you. Really.

Blonde Ambition said...

This made me cry. Thank you for writing this. I love you.

G said...

I LOVE YOU TOO!!!