Friday, May 29, 2009

pool puke

I work. I come home. Sometimes I talk to one of my parents or Val on the phone, mostly I watch TV or play Civ IV until stupid hours of the night. I could be doing so much more.

I find myself tired all the time. Restless, listless, always feeling overworked and unsatisfied. Things are not adding up.

A few concrete steps were taken today though. I finished the budget to pay my Dad back for this new laptop and worked out the next few things I need to finish my apartment. By the end of the summer I should be all set here. Ironically I'm making a home here that I plan to leave by next spring. I thought about not buying furniture, not really nesting, so I wouldn't have as much to move but really what's the difference between moving two pieces and moving a whole apartment? Either way there'll be a truck and 400 some odd miles to go.

The plan is to move back to Charleston next March. My company has communities there that I can work at. I am good at my job. That is one thing that I know and haven't really felt since leaving Charleston almost six years ago. I market and lease apartments. It's sales really, but there's something about helping people find somewhere to live and planning community events that makes me feel less like salesperson and more like, a helper I guess is the best word I've got at the moment.

So it's Friday. I didn't work too long past closing and I've got a bottle of Firefly Vodka (the best Charelston export since myself) so I can't call the day a total wash. I actually got quite a bit done. I was finishing up in the office and trying to put off the time when I'd have to go kick everyone out of the pool so that I could lock up (I hate feeling like the bad guy) when I got the news. One of the kids puked in the pool.

On the upside everyone cleared out pretty fast and there was no guilt for me.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

One

The truth is that everyone thought I was so truthful but most of it was bullshit. Sitting behind this screen I can be stronger, faster, better and much more witty than in 'real' life.

Still I find that I have some things to say. There are some truths I would like to share. Maybe only with my self. Maybe others will read and be interested. Right now I need to believe that it is more important for me to say it than for anyone to read it.

Maybe I am just so wretchedly lonely that I'll take the sound of anyone's voice in the darkness - even my own. Let me say now that there is no great tragedy in my life, only a series of small one I have not handled well. I am lucky, indeed seriously blessed by the standards of most people in the world and I fully realize the indulgence that this act - blogging - really is. So fine.

I'm a thirty year old woman with a good job, a good apartment and a family who loves me. Most of my problems are self created and while I make plans to solve them I cannot honestly say that I'm truly committed as of yet. We'll just have to see where this goes.

In the meantime if you feel like checking in on me as I make this journey I can only say that what you will read here will be my truth.

I Am G.

Here we go...